My Personal Love Memoir

I am taking a class on women of color in feminism and part of the assignments is to write a journal so ill post my journal entries on here...


1. What is the role of love in your life? Consider your personal “love memoir.” What do you learn about yourself, your gender, your family (and other things) from considering such a memoir.

Love is an Addiction, an affliction, a fault in vision, yet it’s still the best feeling given the worst description. Love is life. Love is the air I breathe, the food I eat, the books I read, the music I listen to, and the relationships I cherish the most. Love is all around. Sometimes its good, sometimes it’s bad, but its all what we choose to make of it. I feel like I have learned a lot about love in the last few years, the good the bad and the ugly. I have fallen in and out of love with friends, family and boyfriends and all of those experiences I feel have helped to make me in to a better and more knowledgeable person when it comes to matters of the heart. I fell in love for the first time when I was 17, and again at 18, 19, and 20. At 21, after a bad breakup with my last boyfriend, I realized I was more in love with the idea of being in love than the actual person I was showing affection for. I decided then that I needed to find out what real love was and to do that, I needed to learn how to love myself first and foremost. I have spent a long time doing just that, learning to love myself, my faults, my strengths, my weaknesses, all of the things that make me, me. I love my family, my mom and dad were very divided as to how they thought that my sister and I should be raised and loved but they always agreed that loving us was always going to be number one. My mom passed away in January of 2006, her love for us was unconditional to a fault. We came first in her heart and her mind and when she died she made us promise to always love each other no matter what. Losing her left a big hole in my heart, when you have that all consuming type of love for a person and they are gone its hard. Then I woke up one day and realized that her love for us never left, it surrounds us and helps us when we need it most. My sister and I love each other wholly. Even though at times we have our differences, our love is stronger than any petty disagreement that siblings, especially sisters, could ever have. Losing our mother made us stronger. The one lesson she taught us is that no matter what, when you love someone or something never be afraid to let them know, whether its with words or actions telling someone you love them can be life changing. My dads love has always been conditional, as we have gotten older we have learned to deal with that, it sucks but that’s how he is and he isn’t going to change any time soon. I think the biggest love mistake I have made to date was falling in love with my best friend knowing that he loved me but not the way I wanted him to. For a long time it was fine but in the end after 5 years of being distracted by him and my love for him I realized that the only person I was truly hurting was myself. I have learned a lot about love from my friends too. As friends we have all adopted one another to become a family of sorts, and there is love in abundance, we have seen one another go through the trials and tribulations of failed relationships, baby momma/daddy drama, friendships gone awry, parental strife, you name it we have all gone through it and helped one another get through it. My guy friends are all softies, as friends there are a couple that will say love you at the end of a conversation or upon saying goodbye. The funny thing about that, they all say that my mom taught them how to be open with love. A lot of my guy friends come from families and cultures that teach them that men aren’t supposed to be open about their feelings. You don’t cry you never say “I love you,” you’re supposed to hide your feelings. It is to be assumed that you feel those things just never shown. It is funny to be around that because even though my dad is so funky with his love he will still say I love you with a hug and a kiss and sometimes even a “what do you want?” The men in my family are a little more open with their feelings than some of my friends but regardless of it all I love them and they love me. My girlfriends on the other hand are way different, most of them are still stuck in the love for all of the wrong reasons category, they make me happy I am single sometimes. I would rather be single and happily in love with myself, than be in a relationship that is detrimental to my state of well being. Some women feel like they need a relationship to be complete and happy, a lot of those women will hook up with the first guy or girl that shows them any type of affection, its “love” at first sight, when we all know its really just lust! When the relationship turns bad they will stay, because they remember the kind of person that they first met and they hope that he/she is still in there somewhere. I was that girl once, I will never be her again. I know that right now I love myself, I love my friends and I love my family. I love my life, even though there are plenty of things I need to change to make it better, its mine and I love it. I love material possessions, my love affair with my monster couch and blackberry are rediculous, but that’s ok its part of what people love about me. I know that one day I will meet someone who is right for me and that all of the bad decisions and mistakes I have made will have paved that path that led to him. I will love him and he will love me and that will be fine , but I will always love myself first. No matter what, my life is full of love and that is the most important thing to me. Love to me makes the negatives all positive, makes it so I live my life with no regrets and no expectations. Love is good, love is bad, love is beautiful, love is ugly sometimes, but love will always be love. I am love.

I Quit!

I have finally decided to quit smoking! I am still in the beginning stages like the first 36 hours or something like that but its the longest I have gone in a long while without really wanting a cigarette. I have decided to keep this to myself cuz I don't wanna jinx it but since I needed to tell someone I decided to tell it to my blog which I neglect more often than not and no one but me reads it anyways.

I am horrible at follow through just awful I tell ya! I start things and never finish them but this is something that needs to happen. I want to be healthy and happy and live a long and contented life. I mean I'm already over weight so that's strike one against me why add another strike that is unnecessary. Smoking is the worst habit I could have ever picked up, the thing is I don't even know why I smoke I remember I started because I was bored and thought it was cool. Newsflash! Smoking is far from cool. Both of my parents smoked, my dad still does, he has a 2 pack a day habit and I'm constantly watching him "cough up a lung" (well whenever I can manage to be around him for more than five minutes that is.) I don't want to end up like that. I've been smoking for a while now, maybe about 9 years or so and it was always a pretty bad habit but after my mom passed away it got worse and I have to say that I am quite addicted to nicotine. So this is my step one admitting that I have a problem and I am powerless over the situation. Hi my name is Megan and I am addicted to nicotine and I am going to try my damdest to quit smoking and I am going to use my blog as an outlet for my nicotine frustrations.

Megan M. McDonald

Lets Talk About Sex Baby…….. or not!

Before I get started, I know that its been a while since I last posted. I know that I suck at blogging. I have no readers as I am not interesting to anyone but myself. But happy new year cyberspace! My first blog of 2010 finally lol!



The perils of online dating can sometimes be many or few depending on the mood I guess. I like to think that I am able to put myself out there in an open and honest way without coming across as a bitter bitch. It’s hard. One thing I cant stand about talking to someone online is the misconception that dating is all about the sex. I want to scream sometimes. Its like, dude! I don’t know you, you don’t know me, and we haven’t met in person so I don’t even know if I am or ever will be physically attracted to you. I don’t wanna hear about where you want to put your thing in my thing no I am not going to flick my bean on the phone for you the first time we talk. I am not going to send some guy I don’t know pictures of my tah-tah’s or any other part of my anatomy that is not readily on display at all times. Not gonna happen buddy! I mean on my dating profile I am clear about the fact that I would like to be in a relationship but I’m not in a rush that I believe in friends first. I also state that I am not looking for random hook ups or one-nighters. If I need a random lay please believe its not going to be with some dude off the internet that I don’t know from Tom, Dick or Harry. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a prude. I love sex; I have a freaky naughty side. I just don’t think that my bedroom side needs to be the focus of first time talking to someone. I am a person first. Sex is an interest but it isn’t the only one I have. There is more to me than my bra size. This is why I hate meeting guys at bars and clubs. There is sex in the air which I love. I love dancing sexily with a hot guy and alcohol helps to loosen all inhibitions one may have. But that is all that anyone has on their mind. Fine cool I don’t mind it I revel in it, I just personally don’t think that those are good places to meet someone, hook-ups ya sure I've done it before, I wont lie. I grew up saw the error of my ways. Beer goggles (or in my case vodka goggles) are not the best when it comes to viewing the object of your desires. I don’t know if this makes sense…I really don’t care…. just needed to rant.

Ciao.m.

Im a lagger lol

So its almost the end of November, Thanks Giving is on Thursday, Christmas is coming and so far the best thing that has happened is New Moon came out. It was awesome, I want to see it again and again and I already cant wait until February for when it comes out on DVD. So I will be posting soon on some of the recent happenings in my life, I have actually had some genuine fun lately especially with the grand opening of my bff's uncles new club Taste Ultra Lounge in Stockton, CA. Fun im tellin ya lol. More to come soon along with some pictures swear.

Ciao For Now. m.

Last Night A DJ Saved My Life

The funny thing about music and me is that at any given I have a totally random song stuck in my head. Someone can say something and if it sounds like the line from a song I happen to know, it’s instantly in my internal playlist. It’s so random. Needless to say that music is a huge part of my life, currently it’s lacking. I’m on repeat from the 70’s 80’s and 90’s. Growing up my mom always had the radio or the record player (yes as in vinyl) going. I grew up listening to everyone from Eric Clapton (in the form of Blind Faith and The Yardbirds), Marvin Gaye, Charlie Daniels, Sly and the Family Stone, Jimi Hendrix, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, John Lennon solo, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, Anita Baker, Catfish Zydecoe, Randy Travis, Reba, Dolly, Luther, Prince… and the list goes on and on and on forever I swear.

I am one of those people that every time I hear a song, I will swear to you its my favorite. And it probably is, or at least was at some point in time. Stuck in my head right now: Kings of Leon Use Somebody, The Clash Should I Stay Or Should I Go, The Cardigans Lovefool from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack, Tom Petty Mary Jane.

Music is my life. The soundtrack to my soul would be a never-ending playlist of randomness. I listen to such a vast variety of music. I am eclectic.

So with that said I figured I would share my playlist. It ranges from some of my favorite songs over the years, there’s rock, hip-hop, reggae, house, electro, r&b, and maybe a little country. Enjoy!

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/10195740171

Ciao.m.

My own personal brand of heroin...

Hello my name is Megan and I am a cell-phone-aholic

I swear I need a 12-step program for cell phones. I have come to the realization that I am entirely dependant on my cell phone. It is my lifeline to the outside world. It has everything, phone, text, mms, camera, email, internet, instant messaging. I have the 2008 Sidekick Slide. The only Sidekick to be made by Motorola, and as much as I love my phone I hate it equally.


Once upon a time, I knew every single person I talked to's phone number by heart. All I had to do was pick up the cordless and dial. Today I realize that I only know about 10 numbers out of the 197 saved in my phone book. I rarely have an actual verbal conversation with someone, I got the Sidekick because I like to text, I prefer it because there are no more long drawn out silences for lack of answer, you just respond when you have something to say. I used to write letters, now I email or IM or text, its almost pathetic. The only problem is that 90% of the people I know are the exact same way. Entirely too dependant on technology. And when we get something good we are constantly on the look out for what’s better, newer, faster, and more efficient.

My decision to come up with this post (which would have been posted on Friday if I wasn’t having issues) came about because on Friday morning I woke up and was greeted with data service silence. The Danger/Sidekick/Hiptop server was down, its now Monday and its still down. Someone ruined my weekend!!! Not only did I not have internet access, but my phone decided that this weekend it was going to do its usual annoying re-boot shut down bullshit, so it deleted all of my contacts, from the phone and from my sim card. I had no way of getting a hold of anyone other than those 10 few people whose numbers I actually happen to remember.

Friday afternoon I got off work and called T-Mobile customer service to complain. I was on hold for 30 minutes, the only good thing was that for the first time since I got my sidekick a year ago I actually ran out of minutes, so for the inconvenience for the no end in sight server problems the nice people at T-Mobile comped me 200 free minutes so I could at least call the people whose numbers I don’t know. But derr to them it was Friday meaning the next day was Saturday and I have free weekends assholes!

Saturday I woke up and that’s when I realized that all of my information that wasn’t on my separate 1gig memory card was deleted. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So I called 55 minutes of boring hold music all I got was an IDK, there is no end in sight to this problem we have too many calls coming in you aren’t the only one with problems there’s nothing we can do asshole goodbye!

This morning I was like I AM NOT CALLING!!! I got this lovely message that said I needed to add money to my T-Mobile 2go account (I don’t have one of those cuz I don’t have a 2go phone!) in order to access data services WTF!!! So instead of calling I do the whole talk/chat live with customer service. It started off where I was #297 in the chat queue two and a half hours later I was barely at #69 then another 45 minutes later I finally talked to someone. Basically she’s sorry there’s nothing we can do your service might be returned at some point in time tomorrow maybe idk and because you weren’t able to access the services that you pay for we will give you 5 dollars in your flex account maybe if its approved for the inconvenience. Woopie I can buy two new ring tones. BLAH FUCKING BLAH!!

I need an intervention, there should never be a point in time where my cell phone not working right causes me to have a near anxiety attack moment.

The sad thing, I know that 90% of my friends needs to be right there with me in that intervention. And next week for the 4 days that my phone is off because I cant pay it until the 15th when I get paid again, I know that I will be in a coma, phone sick, like dope sick, needing to get my fix, and using my sisters phone wont help because she doesn’t have the fucking internet! OMG I'm getting hives just thinking about it, palms sweaty, eyes dilating. Dope/phone sick. Its sick! I need to cut back, who know that you could be addicted to technology, this reminds me of back in 99 when due to excessive yahoo chatting my dad broke the computer and I was in agony, oh the heartbreak remembering that sick and dying 386, soooooo sad.

So thanks to T-Mobile for fucking up my weekend and thanks to EliseL for giving me a mere 5 dollars in my flex account that wont do shit in the end but be money wasted and telling me that maybe tomorrow I might have phone service back. Maybe ill download The Clash as my new ring tone to match my call back ringers.

Until we meet again

Ciao.m.


Below is my conversation with the wonderfully not really helpful girl from T-Mobile

An agent will be with you in a moment. Thank you
for your patience. You are currently at position number 1 in the queue.

You have been connected to _Elisa L.

_Elisa L: Hi Megan , welcome to T-Mobile live
Chat. I’m _Elisa and I will be happy to assist you. Please give me a moment to
review your question.
_Elisa L: Good
afternoon, Megan. How are you today?
Megan
: Frusterated
_Elisa L: I
could imagine. I definitely understand your frustration.
_Elisa L: I know that it is just annoying and inconvenient
that your data, sounds, contacts, myFaves and other phone features are not
there, when they should be.
Megan
: right
Megan : and i
cant access my mobile desktop online either
_Elisa L: Oh no!
Megan
: plus the contacts that should be saved on my sim card arent there
either
Megan : i had 7 contacts
left on my sim card and they were all the tmobile numbers but none of the 100+
numbers i had saved there
Megan :
i thought the point of saving them to your sim was so that you had a back
up
Megan : but now i have
nothing
Megan : aaaaaaaaaaand to
top it off im being told that i have to add money to tmobile to go in order to
access the data services and i have that stupid flashing dollar sign

Megan : I know because ive called already
a couple of times and been put on hold for rediculous ammounts of time that
there are issues with the servers or whatever but are they supposed to effect us
like this?
_Elisa L: I understand how this
can be upsetting, Megan.
_Elisa L: Danger,
who is the maker of Sidekicks, is currently experiencing an issue with
connections to Sidekick services. At this time customers may be disconnected
from the service and unable to reconnect. Impacted customers will not have use
of e-mail, instant messaging, Web, Catalog, Applications, or Personal
Information.
Megan : oh this is
only like the millionth problem i have had since i joined tmobile last
year
_Elisa L: I regret that you feel this
way, Megan.
Megan : if i could
afford to break my contract i would go back to verizon or metropcs

Megan : in this day and age cell phones
are peoples life lines and connection to the outside world, this issue is
seriously malfunctioning my life right now not just my ability to make phone
calls, is there any end in sight?
_Elisa
L: Megan, I understand you are unhappy with the current service issues. I
know that I would be as well. However, at this point, once the server does come
back up, all of your information will be replenished to you.
_Elisa L: We have been informed that the outage should be
dying down within the course of today, possibly tomorrow.
Megan : ok so i will have all of my contacts
back?
Megan : and why cant i get
to my stuff by going to my.tmobile.com?
Megan : does it have to do with the same issue?
_Elisa L: Yes. Your contacts, pictures, call logs,
messages, and data services will be replenished within a four hour time frame,
once the server is back up and running.
Megan : ok thats all i want to know
_Elisa L: I can definitely check and see if there are
issues going on with the myT-Mobile service.
Megan : now because i have lost use of services
that i pay for am i going to be reimbursed for time lost?
Megan : because this is like 4 days out of the
month that i paid for
_Elisa L: I
sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you, and appreciate
your patience as we work hard with Danger/Microsoft to resolve this issue.
Services gradually began returning the evening of October 4, but because we want
you to continue to be a loyal Sidekick customer, I can credit you for the days
of data charges you have not had for your inconvenience. The five dollars will
appear on your next bill.
Megan :
ok
Megan : so what about this i
need to add tmobile to go money message im getting
_Elisa L: Your ability, Megan, to log in to your myT-Mobile
account should be up and running. You might have problems connecting to your
interface because of the outage.
Megan : ok that makes sense now
_Elisa
L: I can submit the credit for approval.
Megan : ok
_Elisa
L: I see that you currently only have $0.05 in your Flex Account. Applying
this credit will definitely raise your balance. We do, however, have to wait for
the request to be approved before we can add the funds.
Megan : ok
_Elisa
L: Is there anything else we can assist you with today?
Megan : no i guess that will do it after a 2 hour
online wait
_Elisa L: I appreciate you
being so patient while waiting.
Megan : thank you for your help
_Elisa
L: You are most welcome! Thank you for contacting T-Mobile Chat, and thanks
for being part of our family.

Single in the valley

So I'm like single right, like duh been that way for a while now. Its fine really I swear, I mean it would be nice to have someone to be with, cuz I mean sometimes being alone does get lonely. Redundant I know but whatever that's me. So I know that I don't have a specific direction that I want this blog to go in but I do know that it's completely about the randomness that is totally me. Like 100% me in the for real. With that comes the total singleness that is my life. The dating mishaps, the false connections, the stolen glances, the intense kisses. Blah blah blah! I meet guys, that's never been a problem, the problem is that I meet guys that are in to me but it isn't necessarily always reciprocated.

Like take for instance I am a total height snob. I know its bad but seriously I am 6' tall and just like any other woman out there I want a man I can look up to. What is it with short guys that like tall women? I met this guy, he's older, maybe a little too old for me but he's really nice, easy to talk to, not bad on the eyes, but OMG he's 5'7" he like comes up to my shoulder!!!! I am prejudiced, I really am and it sucks because of his height he doesn't stand a chance, no matter how good of a man he may be, my snobbery will not allow me to get over his small stature. Swear, when it comes to something like this I don't know how to let someone down the nice way.

Ok I know that people do the same thing to me. I am a big woman, BBW, whatever you wanna call it, I'm fine with it, it doesn't bother me at all, I love myself that's what's most important. I know that there are some guys out there that don't date plus size women, they aren't all in to the whole BBW thing, which is fine, their prerogative, I am not going to hate on them. BUT the thing is, I get hated on because I won't date short guys and I don't date square guys, and I now because I really don't date black guys. Nothing against black men I LOVE BROTHAS, I just tend to date Hispanic and Caucasian men. People tell me I need to have a more open mind when it comes to dating, which includes giving vertically challenged people a chance.

I tried, I CANT DO IT!!! It doesn't feel right. It's not natural for me. So shoot me! I know, I know, I might just miss out on a good guy because I wont date someone who doesn't fit my personal standards. I mean really, other than the height thing I'm open to dating all kinds of people. I am open to meeting people with varying backgrounds and interests; the main thing is that there has to be a mutual attraction, mental and physical. But, alas I am still picky, but then again, tell me who isn't!

Ok this has been my dating mishap rant for October first. Trust me, there's many more to come, hahahahaha!!!!! Until next time...

Ciao.m.

To Mobile Blog or Not To Mobile Blog...

Ok so i dont have my phone with me today my sister is using it so im trying to set up this whole mobile blogging thing via third person.  Why is it that trying to tell someone else what to do while you are talking to them on IM is sometimes the most confusing thing in the world.  Some things just constantly get lost in translation, especially when the other person has no idea what the hell you are trying to accomplish in the first place.  *Sigh* I will get this done i will i swear lol.

until later

ciao.m.

100

I was inspired a few weeks ago to compile a list of 100 truths about me.  Its taken me over a month to complete because i am a total lagger!  But here it is me being completely honest with myself, and with everyone else too for that matter.  The end with my I Loves was because i ran out of things to say and i didnt want to procrastinate any longer haha enjoy.

ciao.m.

100 Truths About...

1. My name is Megan Montgomery McD.


2. I think I have the raddest initials ever, MMM.

3. I love the fact that I tend to be ethnically ambiguous

4. My mom and my sister are my two most favorite people in the whole world, followed by my niece who is my favorite little human.

5. I miss my mom; she died on January 8th 2006 from complications brought on by Cirrhosis of the Liver caused by Hepatitis B & C.

6. If I ever have a child I want them to have dark hair and blue eyes like my momma

7. I really don’t want kids, but I am ok with the possibility of maybe having one some day possibly, but no more than one.

8. I really want to travel the world and I will soon, even if I have to go alone

9. I have been single since March 2001

10. Sometimes I think that I will be one of those people who is single forever

11. I don’t want to get married because I don’t want to get divorced

12. I am attracted to the wrong kind of men more often than not

13. I like girls sometimes, but I like men all of the time.

14. I know what it feels like to love and not be loved in return.

15. I have learned how to love without expectations. It’s a very hard thing to do.

16. I am not bitter because of failed attempts at relationships or love; I refuse to be one of those broads that blames an unhappy future on an unhappy past.

17. I want the kind of love that Gary LeVox from Rascal Flatts sings about on “Bless The Broken Road” and Angie Stone sings about on “More Than A Woman”

18. I am a perpetual dreamer. I think I have spent more time day dreaming than actually living.

19. I have day-mares that come randomly to me when I would rather be day dreaming, they are always the same, watching my mother die over and over and over again.

20. I wish I could remember the sound of her voice instead of the sound of her body taking its last breath.

21. I miss my dad, even though he lives five minutes away from me I never see him, sometimes it feels like I lost both of my parents the day my mom died only I get to see him on holidays.

22. I have trust issues, I always put my trust in the wrong people and I give too many chances.

23. I am very selfish and I can admit it.

24. I have a million bad habits, including but not limited to: cussing, smoking, talking in circles, resistance to change, and spending money I don’t have.

25. I really wish that I was better with money.

26. I fell in love with a man that didn’t love me in return the way I loved him and I pretended for 5 years that I was ok with that. In the end I only hurt myself.

27. I live my life honestly with no regrets, I take the good with the bad and I try to learn my lesson from all of the bad choices I have made. If I don’t I only have myself to blame.

28. I like Cupcake way more than I probably should, if you don’t know who Cupcake is don’t ask cuz I wont tell!

29. My dad thinks I am a lesbian, that doesn’t bother me, what bothers me is that he said something to my sister about it instead of asking me.

30. I have never brought a guy home that I was romantically involved with to introduce to my family.

31. My first name is really Marguerite. Only my dad calls me that.

32. I am 420 friendly and damn proud of it, I believe in the legalization of marijuana.

33. I support No on Prop 8. I think that equal rights should apply to everyone, love is blind and people shouldn’t be judged on whom they choose to love. That would be like my parents being judged because my dad is black and my mom is white. Move on people.

34. I am overly opinionated, I speak my mind. My opinion is just that though, MINE. I do not expect anyone to take my thoughts and feelings and make them their own. I am often misunderstood because of this.

35. People find me intimidating. I cant figure out why lol ya I probably can but I think its stupid.

36. I can admit that sometimes I am a total bitch. My filter malfunctions a lot!

37. I am one of the most randomest people I know.

38. Dude! Is the most used word in my vocabulary, followed by shit, fuck, hella and damn.

39. I am allergic to the ghetto.

40. I am from the ghetto.

41. I am a constant contradiction to myself and I know it.

42. I think my life is boring right now, I wish that I didn’t let so many little things hold me back from doing the kind of stuff I wanna do.

43. So far it has taken me two weeks to get to number 43 on this list, beings honest with yourself sometimes takes time.

44. I really really love to sleep, like its one of my favorite things to do even though seriously I am an insomniac.

45. Have I mentioned yet that I am a super procrastinator?

46. Two weeks later and I am only on number 46, how sad is that…see #45.

47. I have never been on a real date before. You know the kind where the guy picks you up and you go to dinner and a movie or dancing or something fun and date like.

48. Sometimes I spend too much time worrying about other people’s problems that I forget about my own.

49. I love to dance.

50. I love love love house music.

51. Wait I love music in general.

52. I spent 3 years of my 20’s doing nothing but partying, damn near 7 days a week.

53. I was told when I was 18 that I am a manic depressive type of person. I have never been on medication and I don’t think that this diagnosis still rings true.

54. I lied a lot when I was younger, the lies finally caught up to me and it sucked, therefore I don’t believe in lying anymore. Why lie when the journey to the truth is so much sweeter.

55. Ok sometimes I am way too honest for my own good.

56. Sometimes I miss him.

57. One of my favorite places in the world is dirty old Ocean Beach in San Francisco. I remember when my mom used to take me there when I was little, good memories that I try to revisit as often as possible.

58. I have an older sister named Renee. I met her when I was 12 and she was 25. For the longest time I resented her, ask me why and I don’t know. Today I love her and my four nephews and three great-nieces.

59. I love my brother in law; I can’t imagine my little sister finding anyone better suited to her personality.

60. I want to go back to school. BUT I’m a procrastinator remember!

61. When I was younger I used to write poetry a lot, I stopped writing a few years ago. This is an exercise to get me back in to writing.

62. Photography is a passion of mine that I do not nourish. I want to get back in to that.

63. For some reason along the way I stopped doing a lot of the things that I really love to do, write, read, photography, road trips. I want to start doing them all again.

64. I feel sometimes as if I stopped living my life and just started going through the motions of the days.

65. I want to LIVE again.

66. My life is still boring; I am going to change that ASAP.

67. I say more than I actually do. Not enough action in my step.

68. I really really need to get healthy; I don’t want to die young.

69. I want to learn to speak French.

70. I have become obsessed with going to Ireland and Canada, don’t ask why its one of those random things about me.

71. I am totally addicted to my cell phone, as much as I hate my Sidekick sometimes it is like an appendage that I cannot live with out.

72. I love to watch TV. Grays Anatomy, Gossip Girl, CSI and Reality shows.

73. I have a comic book collection. My dad got me started when I was younger and I still have my old comics and my Marvel Fleer Ultra 95 comic book cards lmao!

74. I love remote control cars; I used to know how to build them back in the day.

75. I was a tomboy for the first 24 years of my life.

76. I love MAC makeup and designer purses; I am an admitted label snob when it comes to accessories.

77. I am spoiled, like seriously but I spoil myself, I don’t expect anyone else to do it but it sure would be nice.

78. When will it be my turn to fall in love and be in a real relationship with someone?

79. I plan to make my 30’s the best decade thus far in my short life.

80. If you ask me to tell you anything about me I will probably tell you more than you wanted to know.

I love…

81. Pepsi and Dr Pepper.

82. A cold beer on a hot summer night. Or maybe a strawberry margarita

83. The Bay Area

84. Scarves

85. Cold Pizza

86. Mexican Food

87. The 49ers and the Giants

88. College Basketball during March Madness

89. The beach in winter

90. My mom, My Sister and My Niece Alana

91. Long drives with no destination in mind

92. Kissing

93. Cuddling

94. Tattoos, I have 8 and I want more

95. Motorcycles even though I don’t know how to ride

96. Sunsets

97. The idea of being irrevocably in love with someone

98. Halloween

99. Christmas

100. And Last But Never Least Myself.

Megan iS...

Hey what’s up I’m Megan; I turned 30 on August 15, 2009. I decided to start this blog as part of this whole I'm going to try new things mentality that I am trying to embrace. So this is my first post. A little about me, I have lived my entire life in Northern California, with the exception of the six random months we lived in Reno, NV when I was 5. I am a true West Coast California girl. I even say “Dude” and “Hella” way more than I probably should. I cant imagine living any other place in the world except maybe somewhere north but still on the West Coast and no where south unless its San Diego. Currently I am stuck in the Central Valley about 2 hours from the ocean and 2 hours from the mountains, it sucks I am way to far in land if you ask me. I pretty much work and party whenever I have extra money but I really want to start travelling, and there is no time like the present. I have been single since I was 21 and so far I have managed not to fall in to the trap of parenthood. I would say I’m doing pretty good and have exceeded everyone’s expectations. I love life and I love myself and I would love to have someone special to share my life and love with. One day, for now I’m just out here doing me, and will continue to do so until it’s no longer possible. Feel free to comment or add to any of my posts and if there is anything you would like to know about me this is my motto: My life is an open book; don’t judge it by its cover but by the content held within.




So until my next post



Ciao.m.